Matchmaking
for Londoners
who want a long-term
monogamous relationship
This intake we’re focussed on:
heterosexual
Londoners
30-59 years old
If this isn’t you, but you want a long-term monogamous relationship, hit the button below, fill out the form, and we’ll reach out when your cohort is next in line.
Let’s face it: the Apps are Awful.
You may have come across the concept of enshitification: tech companies hook people when their service is new and useful and then proceed to hide the best features behind a paywall, forcing users to pay for the original service and/or endure a progressively degrading product in the name of profit-seeking. So, you’re not wrong - the apps used to be better.
Most dating apps are now owned by Match Group: Hinge, Tinder, Match.com, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, and others. They are a publicly traded company and ironically have little incentive to actually match users - they make money when you look at ads or subscribe to paid features. Men are more likely to pay for subscriptions but have an overall success rate of just 2% according to new documentary Love Apptually.
Apps are designed to keep you scrolling and swiping: by rewarding a user at random intervals (say, with someone who actually filled out their bio), users feel compelled to keep swiping as there is no way to predict when you’ll see a profile you like. If you want to go down this particular rabbit hole, do a search for Skinner Box + Variable Ratio Reinforcement Schedule; it’s the concept behind slot machines and one of many methods leveraged in app design to increase user retention rates.
The swiping, notifications, messages, and planning logistics are all forms of admin - don’t we all have enough administrative tasks to deal with? What’s the answer? DELEGATE. Let someone else do the boring bits so your time and attention is yours again.
What if you had >GASP<
an actual HUMAN BEING
select your next date?
Analogue Dating provides affordable matchmaking for Londoners. Yes, matchmaking can be crazy expensive - starting at £2,000 but easily upwards of £20,000. If you have £20k in the bank, it’s for a deposit on a flat and you’ve done very well to save that in this economy.
Intentional dating only. No time wasters, no 'still figuring it out’, no ‘open to either monogamy or non-monogamy.’ You don’t need to aim to get married tomorrow (or ever) - but you should have your proverbial shit together and be ready for a long-term loving relationship.
Genuine matches based on you. Everyone is interviewed prior to being selected to go on a date - so the experience of dating can be enjoyable, as well as an opportunity to get to know someone special.
How it works
1. The Form
Start by registering and filling out the intake form to join The Pool of Potential. Cost: £19
2. The Interview
Candidates for a match will be pulled from The Pool, at which point you’ll be invited to join with a single payment of £390 or 4 monthly payments of £97.50. Then we’ll arrange an interview and request references
Cost: £390 for 12 months No subscription: either a one-off payment or 4 instalments. (Over 12 months that’s £32.50/month, roughly the cost of a low-tier subscription to a dating app)
3. The Swap
You have the option to see your potential date’s short bio and pictures before agreeing to a date. If both parties want to proceed, it’s a date!
4. The Purge
At least one week before your date we ask that you delete all dating apps from your phone; you can pause the accounts to go back later if you’re a glutton for punishment.
This purge allows your poor over-stimulated brain some time to rest and focus on the amazing person you’re about to meet!
5. The Date
We’ll find a location comfortable and convenient for both parties. You’ll split the bill on the first date, neatly avoiding the awkward check dance - after that it’s up to you.
6. The Post-Date Analysis
Feedback is important to growth. A short questionnaire with the option for a call can help to inform what you’re looking for in a partner - and may lead to your last first date.
Big Fat Disclaimer
As with so much in life, you get out of dating what you put in. No app, service, or matchmaker, can fully do the work of getting to know someone for you. You will have to make that effort - hopefully because you genuinely find your match interesting and want to learn more about them.
No guarantees. That’s the thing with humans, we’re unpredictable and sometimes we’re tricky to help or don’t know what we want. Registering and filling out the intake form guarantees it will be read and assessed.
See our full Terms & Conditions here
1. The Form
Fill out the form to get started.
Join The Pool - and be ready to get called up.
Register Interest
Not a straight woman or man aged 30-50?
Or you are but don’t live in London?
Fill out this form (no charge) to be contacted for a future intake.